sometimes life gets so strange.. people you thought you are never gonna lose get so away from you.. and you didnt even realize what made them feel so detached from you over the time.. well.. talking about my best friend.. not now any more though.. it was always so much fun with him.. we used to do hell lot of stuff.. joking around.. poking each other.. non stop gossip.. everything used to be so great during the college days.. and poof.. its all gone now.. whom to blame.. different priorities.. ?? or dont feel the connection any more?? communication gap?? more options of people around him?? or maybe my new boyfriend?? i dont know.. it feels shit to be in this mess.. i never thought i would ever lose him no matter any damn thing happens.. with time, we lost contact .. where frequency of talking used to be twice everyday went to twice in 2 months, it felt like shit.. and he not even realizing that when are growing apart made me more annoyed.. it was most of the time I calling him .. but sometimes his office friends, sometimes his work, sometimes some other stuff.. all went in the way of creating gaps between us.. i really dont know whose fault it is.. because gradually too, i stopped calling him.. i called only when i used to get really upset and needed someone around me.. not realizing that he might get upset that why do i only feel like talking when i need someone.. but.. isnt that what friends are for..?? specially best friends??.. i stopped calling in the first place because he was always too busy.. but sometimes i really needed him.. but, i guess that backfired.. more importantly, he never understood.. it was more than a month that we had talked.. and this is now our last conversation went.. (just a jist of it)...

I- you know what.. I am really frustrated.. I just feel that we aren't friends any more.. the bond that we used to have is all gone.. we hardly get time to talk..

he- i know that .. but i usually get so tired after work that i hardly feel like talking..

I- i understand that.. but you have time to talk to your other friends and come on facebook, but talking to me is a big thing for you??

he- its not that.. with other friends too, its only 5 minutes every day.. not much.. and coming on facebook is a little convenient.. talking isnt..

I- oh c'mon.. you talk to them "EVERYDAY" and not talk to me even once in a week..

he- why the hell you are blaming me continuously.,. its your fault too.. even you dont call me.. and even if you do, its always when you are upset over something,.

I- so what am i supposed to do.. I stopped calling you in the first place as you were always busy.. and when I am upset, whom shall i talk to then??

he- i was never busy.. its just that you dont call.. its not that i dont say things means I dont feel stuff...

I- let it be.. you would never understand.. its just that i am too frustrated with things.. and when you of all people dont understand, it gets more irritating.. (and then i say hell lot of things making me feel frustrated..)

he- silent

I- okay.. i am going to sleep.. head aching badly..

he- bye.

then I recieve a msg- see again you did the usual stuff.. you kept talking about urself and didnt even ask me what is going on in my life..

and this was the point when I realized that our friendship had come to that level when we had to "ASK" things about what is really happening in our lives??

the bond where we used to message or call instantly that so and so has happened in my life has come to a point where we need to do a formality?? and when the hell did he ask me about anything?? i told him because i thought he deserved to know that how my life is going.. I felt broken.. because never thought our bond had gotten so weak..anyways.. i couldn't sleep that night..

next day on facebook-

i wrote the same thing i felt.. that why the need for formalities and stuff.. it is expected that when something happens, we would definitely tell each other and not waiting for the other person to actually ask it first.. (and out of frustration i ended it this conversation saying that ...)this isnt going anywhere and if he needs me I am there, but otherwise, there isnt anything left .. and all he replied was a "OK"..

I always knew that he had some things kept in his heart against me.. but.. never thought they were so big... I guess that is what is life is about.. priorities change.. people who were closest to you once are no more your friends even.. this time, I wont ask him to come to me.. because i am not ever sure whether he wants me in his life or not... sucky feeling though.. but have to live with it.....